Burn Out

 June 14, 2022

    I've been working at the same place doing mostly the same thing, working with clothes in one way or another, for a year and three months. For most that time I have taken a 30min to 3hr nap as soon as I get home. Make food, eat, take meds, sleep, and start again. Over the weekends I clean house, watch YouTube videos, maybe read or play a video game, sleep in and take naps. Even though I change small things up the burn out is real, the depression is real. The financial problems are becoming worse and my energy has been stagnant. The year is 2022, it was 2017 when last I was on vacation. My carpal tunnel continues to worsen, my feet are raw from standing on concrete all day. Parents' talk of Jesus and Demons are grating at my soul. My Nightmares of people chasing me to kill me for witchcraft and my parents possibly hitting or shooting me are all too real. My energy is so drained. 

This was written while on my breaks at work. Hopefully by displaying this for others they/you shall know that burn out is real. It's hard to describe it to people when they ask what it feels like. The easiest way, in my case, is the feeling of insanity overtaking you. Layers upon layers of different things over time that feel as if they are caving in. Such as stacking large star-foam bricks on top of one another as a kindergartner and feeling it collapse on top of you as a bully runs full force into it.