Witch Belle

   Though I am unsure of what exactly to write, here are some words. My parents have been blocked for exactly two months when I get contacted by both of my Grandmas that my mom was being rushed to the ER. Not knowing what it was for, cause I didn't see the voice mail until later, I immediately left work and drove to the hospital. Received a point for leaving an hour and fifteen minutes early to find she was alright. They had been trying to move junk and equipment away from the sides of a barn so it could be repainted when tragedy struck. The weight they were moving was a tractor weight that balances out a tractor when you add heavy equipment to the other side. While trying to stack one onto another, over a hundred pounds each, the strap holding it slipped and the weight landed on my mother's left foot. Thankfully she was wearing her steel toe work boots which took most of the damage. The Hospital said nothing was broken but were unsure if the tissue was damaged. Due to so much...

 Cut my parents off on the first of the month.     Next day I got a text from my dad asking what the title of a book was that I have that helps a person alter a pattern.     Now two weeks later I get a call, three in secession. So i think, what if a fire broke out, what if my dad is being rushed to the hospital for passing out again due to his blood pressure. I better answer it. Ha. "Wanted to see how you are doing... We planted the garden before the rain hit so we have plenty of cabbage planted for you." And "Do you need anything? dayquil? there's more cabbage frozen in the freezer from last year if you want to make soup." Did cutting them off mean nothing to them?     If this continues I am going to have to block their number. If it is important, leave a voice mail. If you try to come by unanounced to drop stuff off, I will call the cops on you. I have not known peace for even two weeks. I have other problems to deal with.   ...

   I don't understand how mentally going through weighing the pros and cons on cutting off my family is so devastating to me. Though remembering all the things they fucked up with and how they treated me terrible should make it easy, right. But it doesn't. How can a family hold on so tight and be this suffocating when they told me themselves they never wanted to have me in the first place. How can one Grandmother that fought so hard to have any impact in my life have wished me to die in my mothers womb. How can the other Grandmother only want to talk to me when I've done something so well that I am mentioned in the newspaper. And yet I am still emotionally rocked from the thought of cutting off everyone.     It's never as simple as just not talking to a stranger ever again. These people were my world growing up because I was so suppressed and suffocated from getting a glimpse of reality. Once I say the words to cut off my parents that is it, there is no going ba...

This is difficult for me but for my own sanity it must be done. I am cutting ties with my parents.     All my life they have gaslighted, manipulated, suppressed, belittled and tried to control me. They threatened me as a 7yr old to stone me to death as the bible commanded if I ever called myself a Witch. They never supported me in anything extra curricular at school and verbally abused me for my choices and grades if they were not perfect. In the beginning I believed they only wanted the best for me. It was all a lie. They never wanted me in the first place and my maternal grandmother wished death upon me before I was even born.     My parents hated that I questioned the Bible and didn't simply obey. From a young child they groomed me to be everything they were. Stay home, don't socialize, pass in school, work the farm, and never question that it was God's plan. Punishment was verbal and physical when I disobeyed. Anyone ever hear of "lawnmower arms"? Yeah ...

        My home life was full of conflict, yelling, shaming, physical and mental abuse, manipulation and brain washing. There were good times but very few, most of which were when we were on vacation or I was left alone. At age seven, my parents threatened to stone me to death according to the Bible if I ever called myself a Witch. At age ten, they forced me to do chores around the house and farm. If they were not done or not perfect enough the consequences ranged from yelling and criticism to being hit with a switch and no supper. At fourteen my Father forced me to work with my Mother as a Janitor for "under the table" money after school (we worked for the Janitors, not the company).      At all times my feelings were wrong because we were tough farmers and suppose to give all our problems to God, happy was the only emotion allowed. At all times my thinking was wrong cause no one could question the Bible. At all times my parents had con...