Panic Attack

 August 2, 2022 

   Woke a bit unmotivated and tired. Went through my normal routine with making hot tea and eating cereal dry. Anxiety started creeping in a bit differently then normal. Should have called in but I kept talking myself out of it. So I blasted my vape a few times (CBD) and forced myself to drive to work despite my mind and body panicking. I was asked by multiple people if I was alright, cause they know me wearing a scarf on my head means bad anxiety. But I didn't know what was wrong. It's as if my body went into Fight/Flight/Hide and my mind chose HIDE. But I didn't know what from. The ghosts and Fae just went about like normal but didn't interact with me. Like they could sense it. 

   The panic would get a little worse before calming slightly and repeating the process even worse. I went to first break on time and sat away from the others slightly. Frantically truing to get spoonfuls of peanut butter in my as salt and sugar, and puffing on my vape. Breathing exercised helped slightly but not much. The customers only increased my anxiety and panic when they were near me. Multiple times hyperventilation tried to take hold and I would slow my breathing. My mind could feel the extra activity and was not liking it. Finally, close to lunch (I had texted my love many times by this point) Miss T asked me if I was ok and I shook my head no. I told her it was a bad panic attack like I've never had before. She asked if I tried my vape. Told her it was in the locker but wasn't helping. Slowly I asked if instead of going to lunch I could just go home for the day. My breathing was quick, I was shaky, and near tears. She said yes (gave me a hug) and said she would tell the others that I had left. 

   Pushing my Z-rack aside I clocked out and started crying while grabbing my stuff. Fully in tears, walked out the front door and balled in my car. My fiance called me trying to figure out how to calm me, equaling more crying. Calmed myself enough to finally drive home about 15mins later. Slowly I made it home, he walked me inside from my car and gave me a half shot of whiskey and a cup of Chamomile tea. Some food, sweet cake and cuddles turned into him holding me while I slept in bed. 

The next day at work I wore my scarf again and felt drained but not nearly what I felt the day before. 

The day after that everything was back to "normal".