A whole year, 365 days, has passed since my paternal Grandfather passed away. There aren't enough words to describe the emotions and thoughts that have happened and traversed my mind in such a time. Without a current job my mind has had more time to dwell in depressing thoughts and given more time to morn. So many things were great about my Grandpa, from his strength to handle anything thrown at him (metaphorically speaking) to his deep love for my grandmother and the rest of his family. He grew up in a time where men were not suppose to show or say their feelings. Work till your body is broken, take an aspirin and keep going. My Grandma has had many health issues over the year, the farm and crops always had to be attended too, and neighbors asked for his help when things got hairy. All this and more was constantly on my Grandfather's plate. It was rare to ever hear him complain about any of it or his own health inconveniences. He was raised different and his Father gave him large shoes to fill.
His brother, my great-uncle (whom I loved significantly), passed away March 7 of 2007, who had always been his partner in taking care of the farm. Their mother passed away in 2011, making the farm an empty space of memories that daily required all of his attention. After my great-uncle passed my Father stepped in full time to help his dad take care of the farm ground. Since I've been alive the farm has consisted of soybean fields, corn fields, apple fields (when I was young), a couple dogs and some feral cats.
Today, my parents live in the farmhouse where my great grandparents once lived. They keep the farm running together, full time, 24/7. My Grandmother still lives in her home about a mile down the road and comes over most days to help or supervise so no one gets hurt. My mother is still battling the after effects of Covid-19 with frequent brain seizures and a weakened body. My father helps take care of both of them, rents out the fields to be farmed by neighbors, and battles his own joint problems. My parents have worked tirelessly the past year to restore the farm as best they can on a very minimal budget. It would be an understatement to say that the past year has been rough on all of us.
So many memories flood my mind when I think of my Grandfather. However, I can't seem to remember the last day I saw him. It was sometime in late September or early October at my parent's house, we all five ate sandwiches and chips with iced tea. Though the day and the reason escapes me. My grandpa and I watched the television mostly, while my parents and grandma chatted about politics. It was nice. My parents by that point had finally excepted Jeremy as part of the family but my grandparent's view was unknown to me. We spoke little since I moved out of my parent's house, my grandmother made it very clear in a phone call once that she was not happy with whom I had chose to Love. Ha. Like my mind actually chose, my heart did that. It was lust at first sight of him. The first move was by me and it was I who proposed to him last Christmas. I am not the type to choose spite over my own happiness. My parents were the reason for moving, not my Love but my sanity is what drove me to make a New Home else where. Had I the money and not been attached to a job I would have moved further away then shortly across the river.
My grandfather was a good man. I loved him dearly. If I could change one thing it would have been to try harder to see him more in the time since relocating. Though that being said I have not tried to see my Grandmother. One old part of me wants to spend time with her like we used to while the majority does not. Words hurt. And she hurt me. My parents hurt me and I try not to see them more then twice a month. They throw themselves at me where my Grandmother gives me space, that I can respect. She is a good woman but very stuck in her ways and old style of upbringing.
Whatever realm of afterlife my Grandfather entered I wish him happiness with his parents and Brother. We miss you all dearly.
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