Multiple months have passed now and truth be told my parents have gotten better as human beings. They have given me my space by not showing up unannounced and they almost never contact me first. My parents have begun buying and donating clothes and other items to the church they attend. They have been giving away their unused vehicles to a charity organization. Both have verbally expressed their acceptance of my choices. Although I still know they have their private feelings behind our backs, they treat me as an adult with my own beliefs to my face. That is a huge step for them.
They have now seen my YouTube Channel and I'm sure from that they will eventually find this blog. To that end I have a message for them.
Dear Parents,
Should you find your way to this public blog that I use to help any others that may have lived a similar existence to mine, know that I am voicing who I have always been. In your household, the feeling of your constant judgment and disapproval were very real. Though you were not perfect parents I loved you and still love you to this day. My confessions in this blog include that I have been a practicing Witch since I was seven years old. From that age I have questioned many things in the KJV Bible and your views of people different from us to global warming to the endangerment of seals. In 2007, when my Great Uncle Stan passed, I have hated your God. To the point I rejected him completely and attempted to overdose on Benadryl to take my own life. Needless to say that attempt failed.
Despite all this I have still loved Jesus because he loves everyone, no matter what. He tells us to love "our" God with all our heart and to love one another, to take care of each other. The only other God I give love to is that of Mother Nature, for without her none of us or anything for that matter would exist on this planet, for she IS the planet. There are over 5,000 known Deities in this world alone, of which there are 2,500 different denominations of Christians. So if you include all the denominations of every religion there would be an astronomical amount. Many of these Gods have only different names and/or slightly different origins. The reason we invented these Deities in the first place was to put an answer to the things we yet not understand.
I have vented most everything else to you over the years, save for what is written above. Remember these are my choices/decisions/beliefs/morals. No one can force another to believe anything. Yes everything influences us but it is our own understanding of the info given to us that helps shape us into who we are and whom we become. From the strength I feel when Mother Nature's wind comes at my back to the love I see between two Red Birds feeding each other seeds. From the anger I feel when politicians cheat humans/animals out of the basics needed to live just to add 1% more to their Billions and then not even pay any taxes on that income. To the pain I feel knowing every war that has occurred was for the pride/selfishness of a dictator that didn't care how many innocent lives perished so they could have bragging rights or more oil to sell to Neanderthal Americans.
This is the real me. I wish to learn from everyone around me, the scientists that spend years researching to teach us what is and is not safe for our environment we live in to the doctors/nurses/techs that help save everyone. There are intelligent people on this planet and we need to listen to what they have to teach us if we wish to continue to live here. At this point Meteorologists have concluded we are past the point of saving Mother Nature. But don't worry. Mother Earth will continue to exist. But every living organism on her will/has begun to perish in great numbers. To her we are a virus. We take from the lands and pollute her waters and skies, the water we drink and catch our fish from; and the air we breathe, the main ingredients that keep us living. None of this is new. They have been trying to warn us since the Industrial Revolution but the ones in charge did not head their cries because there was great money to be earned with what they were doing.
None of my decisions are your fault or the fault of anyone I have ever encountered. My decisions are from my own conclusions from all the evidence I continue to collect. I hope you finally understand this. So long as you accept that I am my own person and will respect my views with no condemnation we can continue to be family. If you can not that is fine, that is your decisions. I will love you either way.
Signed,
Belle
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