The year has started out just like any other, stuff goes wrong. For nearly all of January I was battling a severe kidney infection that had inflamed all of my organs on my left side of my body. After two ER visits, two CT scans, strong antibiotics, multiple tests and Urologist visits I have recovered from the worst of it. Still currently doing home physical therapy to restrengthen up my psuas muscle (connects the hip to the lower back) which was agitated so bad from the infection that it now makes pain in my lower ribs on that side. Doctors were perplexed how I acquired such an infection and why none of my tests showed an infection, only the CT scans did. Further more my current job has been letting many people go, so the stress of possibly loosing my job and insurance is very strong right now.
Now that you are all caught up, that brings me to my bad anxiety attack of yesterday and panic attack today. Yesterday was the first day after another wave of people were let go and we were told that those of us left still had a job. For confidentiality purposes I will not reveal whom I work for. However I will say that I am not the only one worried about what will happen next.
February sixth, I woke from nightmares, then I began the day with a ten minute guided meditation from my "Balance" App on my phone and my regular stretches. Though I ate healthy, kept my blood pressure and blood sugar in check, and did stretches on my breaks and lunch due to having a sit down job, I still had bad anxiety. It was so bad at points I nearly broke down crying and clocked out. Focusing on my breathing, holding onto a stuffed animal to feel a different texture and background lofi music helped me get through. On my last break of my work day I did another five minute "Balance" meditation and after work a twenty minute one that I ended up falling asleep to for two hours. After all of that, my anxiety was greatly decreased but not gone.
February seventh, nightmares woke me up at 3:40am and continued to have them till I truly woke for the day three hours later. Soon after waking though the panic was already quickening my heart rate and putting too many "what ifs" in my mind before I had even fully become conscious. Sounds made me very jumpy and on edge, my mind kept jumping all over the place, and distractions were not calming me at all. My heart continued to speed up and slow down, I would cry or feel like I was having fight/flight/freeze moments. Every time my phone would ring my heart dropped and the sound of another person's voice made me want to hide under my work space. About an hour after taking one of my prescribed panic pills and clocking out for the day my heart rate started to slow to a more "normal" pace.
My panic pills make me sleepy as they calm me so I tried to nap but once again I had nightmares. Looking back at what my nightmares have had in common lately, using my "Lucid Dream Journal" App on my phone, included me trying to fix a problem but things went wrong. One was a nightmare inside an aquarium used as a therapy to help people who are afraid of the water, the place ended up flooding and the sea creatures tried to eat people. A couple others were about money issues and trying to find a new job to cover all the medical dept I am still struggling with (I do have a GoFundMe page). And another was on a mini vacation to de-stress where something happened so the cops needed a statement even though neither myself nor my man saw or heard anything. Soon as I left the office my folks had found us, even though we told no one where we were going...
So the things that have helped most with this last anxiety and panic attacks were my prescribed meds, CBD vape, hot teas with Valerian or Ashwagonda in them, and meditations. Unfortunately, these things all are counter productive to being at work though because they all make me sleepy. 😅 So far this week, today being Wednesday, I've only had nightmares while sleeping so it partially negates the calm that the other things did. Kind of a catch twenty-two. If you have things that help you, please let me know below. If I haven't tried it yet I'll give it a go.
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