Witch Belle

  Childhood Trauma Personalities: Watched YouTube video by Patrick Teahan LICSW:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiGbgKICNEU   For me I feel like the "Hostile" personality was the main one with a little "Are we good", with both of them still popping up with certain triggers.     My childhood, teen years and early adulthood were filled with yelling. If something happened, broke or went missing it was my fault. Mom came home in a bad mood it was my fault. My grades were not perfect straight A's it was my fault, not the fact I wasn't getting help with lessons from all my teachers or from my parents when I didn't understand something. My family is highly religious, Puritan Baptists, if I thought something that did not align with their thinking then it was the devil that put those thoughts into my mind. If I questioned them or asked why something didn't make sense logically then I was breaking the 5th Commandment to Honor (Obey) Thy Father and Mother. Le...

    The year has started out just like any other, stuff goes wrong. For nearly all of January I was battling a severe kidney infection that had inflamed all of my organs on my left side of my body. After two ER visits, two CT scans, strong antibiotics, multiple tests and Urologist visits I have recovered from the worst of it. Still currently doing home physical therapy to restrengthen up my psuas muscle (connects the hip to the lower back) which was agitated so bad from the infection that it now makes pain in my lower ribs on that side. Doctors were perplexed how I acquired such an infection and why none of my tests showed an infection, only the CT scans did. Further more my current job has been letting many people go, so the stress of possibly loosing my job and insurance is very strong right now.     Now that you are all caught up, that brings me to my bad anxiety attack of yesterday and panic attack today. Yesterday was the first day after another wave o...

 According to Wikipedia:   "Woke is an adjective derived from African-American Vernacular English (AAVE) meaning "alert to racial prejudice and discrimination". Beginning in the 2010s, it came to encompass a broader awareness of social inequalities such as racial justice, sexism and LGBT rights. " ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woke ) According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary: "Woke is now defined in this dictionary as “aware of and actively attentive to important facts and issues (especially issues of racial and social justice),” and identified as U.S. slang. It originated in African American English and gained more widespread use beginning in 2014 as part of the Black Lives Matter movement. By the end of that same decade it was also being applied by some as a general pejorative for anyone who is or appears to be politically left-leaning." ( https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/woke-meaning-origin ) According to Dictionary.com:  1. (adjecti...

   Like any job, at one point there will come a time that your body and brain turn on auto pilot, going through the day without your consciousness being present. For a short period now I have caught myself going into auto pilot both on and off the clock. As if my mind has become so overwhelmed with all the stresses of the world that it needs some down time that I have been unable to find or not enough of it to complete the reboot process. Due to this my goals have changed to survival/reactive instead of accomplishing/proactive. A change must be made. My New Goals: make more of an effort to dress myself with different aesthetics instead of the usual "work-from-home" leggings and t-shirt. add exercising of any capacity to my routine. step outside at least every other day, despite having to have unwanted conversations with neighbors. add something to look forward to for my first break at work. I already look forward to enjoying a few minutes with my love on my lunch and having h...

   These two words confuse me more times then I could ever count. Is there a difference or are they the same thing? They are different in multiple ways. We've all said one in place of the other at one time or another. "I'm jealous of her outfit/skin/car/dog/pool/jewelry.""I envy their love/relationship/friendship." These two statements are incorrectly worded. Considering it took three years for me to correct my usage of the words "ate" and "eaten," it is possible. With the help of the love of my life I will continue to make progress. I encourage him to correct me so I can become better with my language.     Once upon a time, I use to be fantastic at English and many other things. Then I ignored my body telling me its' health was bad till it placed me in the hospital for four days. In that time frame, the doctors, nurses and techs believed I had had about 50 mini brain seizures. Had to re-learn EVERYTHING. How to use the bathroom, get ...

   Multiple months have passed now and truth be told my parents have gotten better as human beings. They have given me my space by not showing up unannounced and they almost never contact me first. My parents have begun buying and donating clothes and other items to the church they attend. They have been giving away their unused vehicles to a charity organization. Both have verbally expressed their acceptance of my choices. Although I still know they have their private feelings behind our backs, they treat me as an adult with my own beliefs to my face. That is a huge step for them.     They have now seen my YouTube Channel and I'm sure from that they will eventually find this blog. To that end I have a message for them.    Dear Parents,    Should you find your way to this public blog that I use to help any others that may have lived a similar existence to mine, know that I am voicing who I have always been. In your household, the feeling of y...