Witch Belle

   Today I made myself watch a video on self-worth knowing it to be good for me. Times are difficult and depression can be too familiar to try to escape. With my FinchApp I created a new Journey for myself to help fight my own image of myself. As a child I was taught to be humble and that I could always do better. When my grades came in, if they were below an A+ there would be intimidating conversations. Therefore I strode towards the perfect image my parents had for me despite never being able to reach it. Even with good grades there was a lecture to not drop behind. Always study ahead for the next class, practice made perfect, less games and music practice. There are times I would be able to remind myself that there is more to studying and acting the part of the perfect child. Now and then my past creeps into my thoughts and tortures my inner peace with anxiety, stress and panic attacks. 1. My achievements do not define me. Though my resume is four pages long it does not exp...

  Mental Health study with Patrick Teahan LICSW, "6 Lies From Childhood Trauma 2022". Going through his video these are the parts of each that resonated with me when I was a child.  #5 Good Things won't last  - living in constant fear of being fired from my job - use to worry things I bought would look worn from using them - making friends but not engaging with them for fear of loosing them - fear things are taken from me      These still worry me to this day but not nearly to the insanity level they use to. These fears were brought on by many things that occurred when I was younger. Though I was an only child but my family and friends at the time did not respect my belongings. At home chaos would erupt out of nowhere from one or both of my parents. My mother would have emotional outbreaks on me, later found out she was going through menopause the same time I hit puberty. Parents would take my stuff away for things I had not done and even killed one of my...

 Mental Health study with Patrick Teahan LICSW, "6 Lies From Childhood Trauma 2022". Going through his video these are the parts of each that resonated with me when I was a child. #6 The Real you isn't acceptable - able to shift or blend into social situations to "belong" - adopting other peoples vibes/ personas/ mannerisms to fit in  - stuck in a career not for you but its what your family wanted - spend a lot of energy watching what you say as to not make waves - fear of abandonment - default to choices of others instead of voicing your own - worried what other think of you - fear of exploring other things cause of how it may look to others - not know what your real personality is      Luckily today these don't all apply to me anymore but when I was younger they all absolutely did. These were brought on by many reasons. Both of my parents I believe lived the lie that their real selves were not acceptable to their families and friends. My parents and grandp...

      Recently I watched 'Religion for Breakfast' on the topic of How Altruism Evolved in Humans ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIbGfGsW_2A ). Altruism is defined as the principle or practice of unselfish concern for or devotion to the welfare of another. And behavior by an animal that may be to its disadvantage but that benefits others of its kind, such as a warning cry that reveals the location of the caller to a predator. In today's society, examples of altruism would include Paying it Forward and offering food to the poor. The way he explained it, us humans have not always had this social trait but evolved into it over time.      According to Hamilton's Rule, altruism can evolve in a population if the cost to the potential donor is less then the benefit passed on to the donor's direct relatives. Thusly insuring that their genes of cooperation and reciprocity carry on in future generations. It's fascinating to learn how our ancestors grew...

     It makes no since to me for people not to help one another. Jesus said "Love one another, take care of each other." He didn't stutter. No one was given the choice whether they wanted to be born or not. We didn't choose our genetics or our personalities. It is who we are, Mother Nature made us this way. What makes people decide that they can choose who lives and who dies? Who gets mental or physical help while others don't? What qualifies a person to be deserving of redemption? A second chance at life? What are the qualifications for someone to be healed by a miracle or by magic? No one and nothing. Humans don't make the decisions, nature did.      This started with a simple question. If you could have any super power, what would it be? I chose to be able to heal people mentally, physically, emotionally, their energy and their confidence, everything. Somehow it spiraled into multiple people saying how not everyone deserves to be healed. I don't underst...

     A whole year, 365 days, has passed since my paternal Grandfather passed away. There aren't enough words to describe the emotions and thoughts that have happened and traversed my mind in such a time. Without a current job my mind has had more time to dwell in depressing thoughts and given more time to morn. So many things were great about my Grandpa, from his strength to handle anything thrown at him (metaphorically speaking) to his deep love for my grandmother and the rest of his family. He grew up in a time where men were not suppose to show or say their feelings. Work till your body is broken, take an aspirin and keep going. My Grandma has had many health issues over the year, the farm and crops always had to be attended too, and neighbors asked for his help when things got hairy. All this and more was constantly on my Grandfather's plate. It was rare to ever hear him complain about any of it or his own health inconveniences. He was raised different and his Father ...

 August 2, 2022     Woke a bit unmotivated and tired. Went through my normal routine with making hot tea and eating cereal dry. Anxiety started creeping in a bit differently then normal. Should have called in but I kept talking myself out of it. So I blasted my vape a few times (CBD) and forced myself to drive to work despite my mind and body panicking. I was asked by multiple people if I was alright, cause they know me wearing a scarf on my head means bad anxiety. But I didn't know what was wrong. It's as if my body went into Fight/Flight/Hide and my mind chose HIDE. But I didn't know what from. The ghosts and Fae just went about like normal but didn't interact with me. Like they could sense it.     The panic would get a little worse before calming slightly and repeating the process even worse. I went to first break on time and sat away from the others slightly. Frantically truing to get spoonfuls of peanut butter in my as salt and sugar, and puffing ...